I’ve neglected this blog, life got busy and inspiration was nowhere to be found but I’m here now 🙂 Soooo, beginning of this week I had a very big opportunity; basically an audition to cater for an event. I hadn’t received an opportunity this big yet so obviously my nerves were through the roof. While trying to conjure up clever responses to questions like “Are you fully licensed and registered?” and ” do you cater for special diets” I completely neglected the most important part of the audition, the food.
So here’s something that becomes obvious once you get to know me, when I cook in any other state but when I am at peace, happy or feeling confident; you will eat crap! I can’t seem to find the exact reason for this but I think because I pour my heart and soul into my cooking, whatever energy I am radiating at that moment becomes what you eat. Cooking is a spiritual thing for me, that’s how and why its so instinctual.
I was told to show up with tasters, little samples for a brunch theme, and so I did. So here’s where things went south, I was riddled with anxiety, self doubt and fear. What was the result, well it was pretty obvious, I cooked crap. The food lacked flavour balance and It was too late to correct the mess I had made. So I left home and went to the meeting having already resigned to having lost this job before I could even showcase my talent. *Wipes lone tear* I arrived at the venue and it was a beautiful boutique hotel, I was led to the kitchen where I was allowed to prepare and set up. I was told I’d present my food in 30 minutes and I thought that’s great, it’s enough time. The meeting ran long and I waited for over an hour. I LOST MY MIND! I was pacing, over thinking and the food was getting cold. Someone send help…please. Eventually they called me in, I presented the food and myself. I gave a brief explanation as to what it is I do and left, very upset. I haven’t heard the verdict of the interview yet but I know for a fact that I wouldn’t hire myself off that food.
What’s the moral of the story? You’re only doing yourself a disservice by playing into your fears. My fears are valid, trying to establish s catering business off nothing but passion is scary and that fear can be crippling but I am learning to let them go slowly because as they only hold me back from realising my full potential. I tend to question how dare I have the gull to think I deserve to take up so much space? To be so proud and self assured? How dare I believe I am every bit as great as fantasize to be while in recluse? I’m still learning how to silence these questions, but here’s my favourite quote at the moment;
“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion” – Rumi